Wedding, whipped cream and Iron Maidens

FRIDAY- 11/16/07
8:00 a.m.
I'm walking around my clean kitchen. Floors mopped, clutter cleared, every dish clean and put away, counters wiped down with organic lemon verbena cleaner. Laundry done, house picked up, floors vacuumed. I thought to myself, I would love a cup of coffee right now. A little ding from the coffeepot signals that a fresh pot is ready. I'd programmed it the night before, and for the first time ever, I'd guessed the right time to brew it. I'm organized, on top of the world. Mulling over our weekend plans: play date, wedding rehearsal, wedding, co-worker roast, Iron Maidens concert. No problem...
9:45 a.m.
Play date arrives, Ivy, Shannon, Porter and Bodhi are running around the house screaming and laughing. Tiffany and I are chatting, drinking coffee. (When they leave later, Porter says to Ivy, "I love you", she says "I love you too!" then Porter said, "come back later and we can take a nap together!")
10:45 a.m.
My editor and his wife Megan show up. She's due with her first child and ready to have it any second. She grills me on birth and "did they come on their due date?" I told her when I was 6 days overdue I was outside yelling at the full moon to throw me a bone. "Enjoy these last few days of sleep and each other" I said. I gave them some baby things.
11:45 a.m.
I'm in class discussing the media's influence on war and propaganda, how we should just call the media what it is now. Corporate influenced and imbalanced.
5:45 p.m., Wedding rehearsal
I'm trying to keep my kids well behaved while we're at the wedding rehearsal. The flower girl is perfect, my kids are fighting over who gets to carry the pillow. At one point I thought the lovely satin ribbon was going to be ripped off. The pillow turned into a ball, and they ran down the aisle and tackled each other. The father of the groom shushed Bodhi at one point. I was under incredible stress. The rehearsal dinner was an hour late because the restaurant forgot about the order completely. My kids were starving so the church ladies and I raided the church refrigerator and came up with tortilla chips and cheese. Bodhi was in rare form. All the stimulation and excitement had him bouncing off the walls. He was very focused on the beautiful flowered silk skirt the mother of the groom was wearing. She was at the buffet dishing up when Bodhi decided he wanted to immerse himself in her skirt. He dove head first into her butt, planted himself and started swishing her skirt from right to left with both hands. He alternated this with poking the flowers and saying "this one's bwoken". She was very surprised and was giggling and saying "ooh! Ooh! over and over while trying to balance her plate of food and I tried to pull him away. All I could seem to grab was his sweater. After that no one sat with us. Every single person sat at a separate table. Then Gene and the boys went in the hallway leaving me all alone at a huge table, hungry and exhausted. One of the church ladies came and sat with me. "Abandoned I see" she looked sadly at me. We'd bonded while we raided the church kitchen earlier. I'd told her nightmare stories from my Los Angeles host helper days. Good parties gone bad. She had jet black hair that sprouted spiky and crazily in all directions and seemed to be lifted up, suspended abnormally high above her neck. I couldn't be sure if it was a wig. I looked at her between bites of tofu broccoli and lamented "I guess that's what happens to families with small children" shrugging my shoulders to convey over-dramatically how hardened I'd become since having kids. In a world that doesn't want kids to be kids. They hadn't intended to sit as far from me as possible, it just sort of happened in all the chaos. Hunched and glaring at the other table, I'd lost my way. I'd gone from the top of the world, to a private pity party with a church lady in just 12 hours.
10:30 p.m. The Iron Maidens
After waiting for Iron Maidens to show up and play since 10:00, (they were late due to their plane being delayed and losing all their guitars somewhere between Fairbanks and Juneau) the band finally arrived and said they wanted to meet me before the show. I'd written an article in our paper about them which they loved. Backstage we talked and took photos together. They gave me their signed CD. Aja, the lead singer, took me aside and said, "thanks for the ink", with a wink. The girls and I went downtown after the show, listening to Iron Maiden's cd and banging our heads in the car, then danced to Brown Haven, the brewery band. My babysitter was sound asleep on the couch when we got home....

SATURDAY 11/19/07 The Wedding Day
8:00 a.m.
Blur, blur... kids in bath, ironing clothes, picking out an outfit, helping Gene pick out one blur blur...
11 a.m.
At the church, high alert, wedding's late, kids on fire... flower girl, then boys, just like we planned...flower girl who'd been perfect during rehearsal while my boys misbehaved is caving and yelling "mama, mama" refusing to walk down the aisle without her mother. My boys, alone, walk side by side perfectly, (Bodhi won the pillow by reasoning that Porter had done it before). They tried to pass the paralyzed flower girl in the princess dress...
1:00 p.m.
Reception, announcement of the wedding party, sitting with Kim and Becky, eating, spilling, lemonade....first dance, Mike and Jennifer danced to Kermit the Frog singing Rainbow Connection, they were so cute. I sang along under my breath because I sang it in a second grade assembly and never forgot it. Highlight? The wedding planner took me aside as we were leaving, "I don't normally say this to women but you have incredibly nice legs! They are beautiful!" Must be tbe 4 inch strappy sandles I wore that my sister gave me even though the temperature was in the low 40's.
6:15 p.m. The Roast
Friends of Korry Keeker gather at the Alaskan Bar to say goodbye. A large banner saying "get the F*&%^ out Keeker" is hanging across the stage, put up while he was in the bathroom. He' s going to Chicago to follow love. He's wearing a fur coat and orange bandana, looking like a pimp daddy. He's obviously had a few drinks, permanently smiling. People begin to take the stage and slam him and his writing. Julie, Korry and I had been working on getting our "Three's Company" radio show together, a dream that will never be realized now. Korry told Julie that he wanted whipped cream, wax paper and people dancing on the bar for his going away party. The wax paper and bar dancing never happened but we arrived with whipped cream cans hidden in Gene's jacket. Julie and I took the stage and emptied them on him, he's helpless to fight back but manages to get it all over me as well.

SUNDAY 11/18/07 The aftermath
10:30 a.m.
Just waking up (Gene let me sleep in) the immaculate house just two days before is now strewn with toddler wedding clothes. Once pressed ties crumpled. I step on Bodhi's red velvet vest wedged partway under the kitchen cabinet while pouring a cup of coffee. Hardened play dough pieces and abandoned toast crusts are everywhere. Porter, asleep on the couch, sits up and throws up all over the couch, then announces he's never drinking pink lemonade again. I had a flash of him sucking down glass after glass at the wedding reception. Gene gets the extractor out (he loves using the extractor) cleaning all the cushions. I'm washing my purple shirt that's covered with whipped cream having a delicious cup of coffee.